When my kind friends try to set me up on dates, I have to remind them every time what works best for me. I don't know if they deliberately forget or they just want listening to me howling. In between feigned screams and raised eyebrows, I forewarn them not to give me contact details of their friends, however complete they may be, since they will just end up in their likely final destination, a trash bin. For these past years, I think they have finally mastered it. I no longer receive phone numbers of people written on the back of faded receipts and torn table napkins.
I don't know, but I really find it very difficult to have to be the one to do the first move. It's not a power play issue or a question of emotional desperation. I'm just plain naive and shy. I find myself overwhelmed with the task of having a thousand and one possible conversation topics on hand to draw from to make sure we at least find a connection. I find it even more daunting to put together the right word combinations appropriate for an opening line. I always try to devise something that's not usual yet unusually appealing, but one that's not too hardsell or offensive.
But when I'm the one being called, I take it as a serious responsibility to show gratitude and appreciation for the gallant display of bravery. I know it's not easy to pick up the phone and dial a complete stranger wishing you'd end up somehow connected afterwards. And so, I'm always nice. Not just to show gratefulness, but more to proclaim that taking chances pays. I make the other person feel at ease and do my part of exploring possible connections.
And when things are interesting enough to bring to a plane higher than just phone conversations, I have all the bases covered.
First, first meetings have to be lunch. I think I have pretty much detailed in a previous entry what makes a one-hour lunch supremely incomparable against doing dinners or after-dinner coffees. For me, the 60-minute window is a magic itself. It is an ideal period to keep interests fueled up assuming you hit it off well; and, at the same time, it makes you look kind and civil when you finally say goodbye and leave the place in deep gratitude to the gods for making you last that long assuming things weren't exactly right.
Second, it should be in a neutral, relaxed place, not one where the ambiance and the lighting designs are intimidating or too romantic to make us uneasy. The important thing is it should encourage each one to disclose as much about himself without really trying. This informal setting extends to the dress code. I don't have any problems meeting one in faded jeans and a Fruit of the Loom white shirt. I don't, because I'm worse. I go there in shorts and rubber shoes. That's why I have strong preference for long walks to unexplored parts of the city, visits to public markets, and just about anything non-traditional. Based from experience, these ideas are very insightful. They have a way of shedding one's guards and expose what lies beneath. You now have a way of checking if the talk matches the walk.
Lastly, there should be no does-he-like-me talks. The first meeting should be spent effortlessly in just being yourself. You don't have to move heavens to impress the other person hoping that you'll have him beg you to stay. My idea is you go there, be yourself and have a good time without being bothered with what's going to happen next. You don't have to compromise your personal views and force yourself to agree to everything that's been said just so you show you somehow connect. Have your own mind on things. That's the easiest way to create a good impression, that you're not pushover but one that's honed and shaped by years and experience. The thing is, make sure they make sense.
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