I fear for my sister. She's 28 now and slowly, the ominous signs of panic gripping most single women in their late twenties are becoming evident in her. It's largely about the prospect of not being married anytime soon, much less finding herself triumphant in chancing upon romance. She couldn't believe only she and her bestfriend have remained single in their high school class. The rest have either taken seriously the go-forth-and-multiply commandment or have started a new hobby propagating their seeds in wanton disregard and disrespect for children's rights and welfare.
"That doesn't make you less accomplished," I said with all sincerity as my lame effort to comfort her.
"But it does!," she quipped.
I was stunned. For a while, I was just staring at the computer screen in complete disbelief. I have known her to be one who is headstrong and principled. I respect her decisions and opinions on things. Sometimes they offer more promise than what I thought would otherwise have been streetsmart and pragmatic judgments by me. So I really couldn't believe what she wrote. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that this mixed feelings of sorrow and possibly grief have taken roots in her and, if they remain ignored, may just make it easier for her to lose her hold on things. I ended the conversation rationalizing that maybe her feelings are more reinforced in women, but that they do not necessarily become more valid. She did not reply.
My fear doesn't exactly mirror her fears. My heart completely goes out to her and, in a little corner of my heart, I may fear about the same thing for her. But I know that, in the larger scheme of things, we don't fear about the same things. I am not bothered that she's still single today after her last serious relationship around three or four years ago. I'm not even alarmed that she doesn't seem to have a regular date or somebody who has taken on, as a vocation, a persevering mission to write her wooing letters and send inexpensive gifts to her apartment in Jakarta where she's staying to complete her graduate studies. Her lovelife may be as lifeless as the Dead Sea but that shouldn't be a fixation.
This is where my fears start to set in. I am distressed when people start aligning their life journeys with what's popular and accustomed without spending so much time deeply thinking and meditating about it. I think there's something wrong with the pervading notion that one's true success in life is largely measured or attained when the bride starts the traditional march to the altar to meet the groom in marriage. Does that mean that women who marry more are infinitely more successful than women who marry just once? Where does that put Elizabeth Taylor? Is she then the Wedding Goddess?
I hope all single men and women should one day come to acknowledge that one's success in life is measured, not by wedding marches, but by meaningful relationships created with fellowmen. If one's name is spoken everytime in deep reverence and affection, that's something no marriage can match.
Now, for my little big sister, I strongly believe that she will find the love of her life in the end like in most of the fairytales she has grown accustomed to as a kid. I am sure too that she will not just meet the guy, but they will end up in a happy marriage and give my parents several little cutie ones and me, an uncle, several more adorable darlings.
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