I think I'm most attractive when I'm vulnerable. It may be odd, but I'm personally convinced it's absolutely, positively, and flawlessly true. I have repeatedly affirmed this truth courtesy of a few times in the recent weeks when I had the chance to be alone and be introspective.
But contrary to what most people think, I am not self-destructive when vulnerable. I do not seek alcohol although there are occasions when having a beer or vodka just fits the mood. I do not drown myself in anti-depressants neither do I succumb to the spell of sleeping pills. I do not camp inside my room and stack on Kleenex. Neither do I get bewitched with enchanting stories about testing drugs. I never become suicidal.
I have to say, it's somehow easy to spot whenever I'm likely to be vulnerable. It happens oftentimes when important occasions hover in the corner and I find myself separated from people close to me, especially my family. I don't know if it happens that way to other people and I'm not sure if it triggers them to be defenseless too, but I'm weakened everytime. I retreat, become easily moved, and somehow discover that I had been gifted with having little depth. My tearducts are shallow. I then become tearfully sentimental without really trying.
When this happens, go past the tears and look inside. My emotional state during these times is perfect for starting a nurturing friendship. I find myself devoid of critical thoughts but filled instead with an overflowing desire to open my thoughts and my lifestory. All of a sudden, I feel free, I breathe deeply, I smile genuinely, I listen with my heart, and I become eloquent. Without the slightest difficulty, I can start to candidly narrate my life's crossroads, convey my deepest yearnings, and proclaim my dreams and prayers. My ugly frailties and flaws better buried in secrecy are quickly surrendered and disclosed.
This is me at its most vulnerable state, but this is me at its best.
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