When some of my friends pester me with their should-they or shouldn't-they questions about formalizing things with somebody they like, they tell me I speak one truth they always try to hide from: That's it's easy to be in a relationship just for the sake of it, but it's infinitely difficult to be in one if you're looking for somebody worth your while. That has become my standard reply and it's one truth I've always held close to my heart.
When one friend in a group of friends decides to officially become somebody else's partner, most of the time those friends who remain single suddenly confront themselves harshly. They beat themselves to death asking why can't they do the same. They may be just doing half-jokes, but instead of sympathizing, I lord it over them and I become bitchy. Just because one has a relationship doesn't mean that you have to be in one as well. Relationship is one area where keeping up with the Joneses doesn't make sense.
I speak from experience. How I feel about myself doesn't rest on whether I'm in a relationship or not. I have never felt ugly nor threatened even if most of my friends have ended up in loving relationships with somebody. I would remind myself constantly that love and I will find each other in the end. It may take a while some time, but we will certainly bump into each other.
And thankfully, it has been like that for me. They may not have lasted centuries, but the relationships I've had over the years have always been well-remembered. I always think of them fondly and I don't harbor any hurt or resentment after each break up. I continue to be friends with them up to now. Some are still in the speed dialing keys of my mobile phone. Sometimes, we'd be on the phone catching up on things or, at other times, we would decide to meet for lunch or dinner if our schedules match. We would never forget to send greetings on special occasions like birthdays and christmases. And their calls are the only one's we'd likely take if they came through in the middle of the night.
For all of this, I attribute a long period of rest and preparation I had in between relationships. This period, which on the average lasted three to four years, were all well-spent on diverse and enriching activities in the field of sports, homemaking, traveling. I engage in a new sport every year, do really good at it even to the extent of actually competing. I read books, spend time with old friends, and just about do anything I enjoy. This decision is strategic. I choose to do things that will inevitably improve myself to increase my chances of being more worthwhile for the next person I'd end up with. I don't want to hear anything that says I'm unworthy or I'm only good for their dog Misty. There has to be some semblance of growth and betterment from the previous years.
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