As much as possible, I refuse to write about sad things. I always say, there's so much sadness in the world already, I don't like to add one more. But this one caught me by surprise and got me to think about certain things.
I was getting ready to sleep one late night when I got this call from a friend. He said he was driving around aimlessly around Makati near the place where I live and asked if he can come over my place. I sensed an unusually different sound in his voice, some cracking, a bit hoarse, heavy breathing.
I asked why, what the matter was. He matter-of-factly replied, "Deep sadness." I was stunned, shocked, and embarrassed. Then when I recovered, I invited him over and asked the maid to prepare dinner for him.
M. is hardly the person you would suspect to succumb to this feeling. He's 30, bright, a lawyer, independent. He's a loving older brother to a younger sister whom she would pick up from work everyday to make sure she's safe, and a very thoughtful younger brother who's ready to part with 100,000 pesos from selling his car and give it to another sister just so she and her boyfriend could start firming up their wedding plans.
But that night, seeing him so lost and tired when he walked in my door, I had two things in my mind.
First, this feeling of sadness, the deep one as my friend described it, comes like a thief. It doesn't choose whom to hit and, what's worse, it hits when you least expect it. I have long understood the painful reality that nobody is excused from its attack. All of us, albeit at different pain levels, we all suffer at one time from this feeling of being so alone even when surrounded. We try deep breathing to soothe our tightening chests to no avail. Some try to find comfort from buckets of beer or maddening eat-all-you-can restaurant promos. And yet, as if we don't know, the feeling will still be there long after the beer has found its way to the urinal bowl, long after the feast has been transformed to something unsightly.
Which leads me to my second thought, I wouldn't like to see myself in his shoes if I can help it. And for that to happen, I have pains to forget, mindset to change, people to evade, companies to enjoy, friends to cherish, more maturity to aspire for, more support to solicit, more time for myslef, more prayers to recite, more warmth to share, more secrets to reveal, more of myself for others.
No one has to be lonely.
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