<h3> All's well that ends well</h3>

I've never really thought about it until last Sunday night. The funny thing about it was that it came after some heated discussion with my new neighbor. I think I make a good labor arbiter or, as I have always thought, a good lawyer.

I moved in to this new place two weeks ago. It's not incredibly huge, but it's comfortable enough for me and the maid. She occupies the smaller room; I got the bigger one (of course!). She gets a tiled floor, I have the parquet. We both get French windows. It's on the fourth floor near the service stairs, the second farthest unit from the elevator lobby. The common space facing my unit is huge enough for me to place a mobile coffeetable and two chairs where one can enjoy late night conversations or brewed coffee on early Sunday mornings while reading the papers. We don't have any tall structure blocking the airflow, so we get a generous supply of refreshing oxygen all the time.

Except that my neighbors are not really refreshing. When I moved in, they already have this folding table and three stools stationed in front of my unit. It may be a common area meaning any tenant can have access to it, but the fact is, it's in front of my unit. I can do whatever I please there. I can even sleep there naked if I want to (but that's another story). I can bear with the tables and chairs, but I erupt in anger and frustration when I realize they obviously lack any form of exposure in the field of propriety. Like, how in the world can they be so dumb, how can some people be so amazingly stupid? They knew I was a new tenant; they should have taken those right away without anyone telling them. I don't care if they were chummy-chummy with the old tenant and they were allowed a place there. Fact is, new tenant = new agreement. Simple as that.

And so for a week, I intentionally didn't talk to them and instead waited for them to voluntarily take those out and respect my area. They didn't. I stretched the little patience I have for one more week hoping things will change. Nothing came. So I asked my lawyer friend to do the talking for me. He graciously obliged. I don't know how he approached them but they were very confrontational. I was home that time but decided not to go with my friend to face them. I may just end up in the papers the next day as the killer of my neighbor's sick mom. Not really my idea of glamorous publicity.

Anyways, I let my friend and my neighbor with her mom yank and yank at each other, almost slithering each other's neck to death. I, on the other hand, was behind the curtains doing what a stenographer does in a courtroom battle, trying to listen to every word said. After a few minutes, there was a lull. My lawyer friend looked for me and suggested that it was best that I talk to Julia.

When I walked over to where they were, Julia was seated in one of the chairs, trying to look composed and calm. I offered my hand and introduced myself. I was burning inside, but I tried hard to be civil and warm in my hope that something good will turn out that night. I made sure I told her my frustration about their seeming lack of consideration and sense of propriety with them not even asking permission from me and, instead, be so callous. She apologized.

To make sure we don't spark to death any longer, I tried to talk about other things like which province she's from, her daughter (she's a single mom), bits of work, and, believe or not, christmas. The whole time, my lawyer-friend seated with us silently while listening to our every story. Amazingly, Julia and I hit it off well and agreed that we should be friends. I allowed her to continue using the space for her table and she offered that I use it too. I set conditions for her to continue enjoy that space (two of them: absolutely no drinking there and no smoking) and she agreed to them. Now, we're OK. She sent me a plateful of dessert and noodles last night, personal delivery. I asked my maid to cook pancakes this morning and return Julia's plate with some of it.

I thought I should end this with some thoughts I got from one of my readings. It's helpful to know how to properly and intelligently fight --- be they husbands, wives, business partners, bestfriends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family members.

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Fights are inevitable, and how you fight probably indicates whether your love will last. But don't be afraid to fight. Fight fairly. This means:

 Count to ten before you start.
 Stick to the issue.
 Don't dredge up ancient history.
 Avoid put-downs and name-calling.
 Nix the sarcasm and camp.
 Speak your mind, and give him/her the chance to speak, too.
 Avoid profanity.
 Don't throw anything.
 No violence. Ever.
 Don't change the subject.
 Don't pretend you don't understand what he/she's saying.
 Don't mimic him/her.
 Don't bully him/her.
 Assume nothing.
 Don't ask your friends to take sides.
 Don't hit below the belt.
 Be specific about your complaints.
 Don't threaten to leave him/her to get your way unless you truly mean it.
 An unfinished fight will only return another day. Fight to the finish unless you're merely fighting for fighting's sake, Then, stop.