Mindfuck

I got my cousin J. to visit the house last week and stay for a few days. I kept myself so hard from trying not to probe too deeply. I didn’t want him to suspect that I have known all along the real reason he’s in the city. Yeah, he’s on a well-deserved vacation and yes, he has a convention to attend somewhere, but he’s really here to get his mind off from a tragic break-up with his girlfriend of a few years.

For me, to refer to his breakup as a tragedy was actually understating the damage done. It wasn’t just painfully heartbreaking for my cousin; it was in fact dangerously life threatening in a different kind of way. That day he visited, it has only been a few weeks after he found out his girlfriend was seeing other women for reasons all but suspect. That’s not nailing it. The girlfriend was actually humping and pumping other women. As simple as that. The whole town knew about it except for my poor cousin.

I don’t have anything against the girlfriend. The fact that she enjoys plowing slits much like her own doesn’t even bother me. It doesn’t even deprive me of a good night’s sleep. My heart pours out certainly for my cousin who’s left incredibly disillusioned and scarred for life. But the grief I feel ends the moment I think about willful and heartless deceit on the girl’s part which may have prevailed from the start. I then turn so furious I can chew her alive.

The mindfuck is what kills me. That somebody gay intentionally jumps in a heterosexual relationship to conceal nature and truth, and conform to standards to make things easier. This act of deception gives the whole gay community a bad name. That’s depressing in itself, but it’s nothing compared to the anguish of people caught in the middle of things as well as amplified homophobia from the rest of community who will start to equate gays always with cheating, always with dishonesty, always with treachery.

If we long to be accepted for who we genuinely are, we have to start from within. Acknowledge your truth and only then you can, with confidence, live. Please spare other people from the injustice of using them as unsuspecting victims in your quest of finding acceptance from people.