Re-igniting a flame

Long after he left, I was still finding my breath. My eyes were mindlessly fixed on the lighted desk lamp across the couch in the living room where I was slumped. My shoulders were heavy, my heart was pounding, I can feel sweat beads forming all over my face. I couldn’t believe what just happened.

I tried to play in my mind what exactly transpired a few minutes earlier hoping I’d make sense of things. But I don’t know where to start. I can’t even figure out why this happened.

D. has been sending me text messages for several days already. They came out of the blue. They were not the usual hi-hello-how-are-you messages we’ve been sending each other over the years we’ve been friends. Instead, they carried allusions about re-igniting a flame that once was there between the two of us, probably more around ten years ago. I didn’t ask how he planned to do it or what else does he have in mind. I tried to stay cool while reading all the messages that came through thinking they were just another prank being played on me, but the more frequent they turned up, the more stunned I became. They were no longer warm and friendly. They were no longer something I found delightful. I wasn’t annoyed exactly, but they made me extremely uncomfortable.

One of the more strange text message he sent while he was on a pleasure trip in Cebu. It inquired if I still love him or if I was willing to consider dating him again. He added, he would be willing to wait for my decision. I was horrified. Several messages more soon followed. They all had one direct insinuation, if I can please think over the proposal and he’d see me once he gets back from his trip.

I don’t know how D. came to this idea. I would normally have my rationale side active at this time and would clearly see the writings on the wall long before. But still, I tried finding out straight from him. He said, since we’ve known each other so well over the years, we wouldn’t really be spending so much time getting to know the basics. It’ll spare us from the trouble of initial dating and guarantee each other a wholesome and decent date or hopefully, a partner. We know each other’s friends, we’ve gone a long way back, we practically been friends for a long time.

Which brings me to a question I have been struggling: Is it convenience that I’m being sought after or just a naïve old-fashioned idea of ending up with a childhood puppy love. That Saturday night he dropped by the house for a visit straight from the airport didn’t even make things easier. I looked into his eyes when he started confirming all his text messages. I couldn’t feel anything.