Virgin me

I'm never fond of horoscopes. They have never formed part of my daily readings. I just know I'm a Virgin, but what it means exactly is something I'm really unable to elaborate. So it was a pleasant surprise to have come across something like this.

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VIRGO horoscope
( aug 23 - sept 22 )

As a rule, a person born under Virgo horoscope is attracted to someone who possess good conversation skills. They love to talk and surround themselves with friends who are well-tempered, nonchalant, and intellectually stimulating.

If you're planning a date with people under the Virgo horoscope, try and avoid noisy places especially with lewd or obscene entertainment. A person born under Virgo horoscope reserved nature and insistence of good taste, would get more pleasure from a quiet restaurant with soft music playing in the background, than from a rock and roll concert. They would prefer a place where the two of you can talk.

You'll probably find a person born under Virgo horoscope to be very interesting and be able to discuss almost anything with them. However, don't be in a hurry to jump right in and ask too much about their personal affairs, since they may find it to be an intrusion of privacy.

It's a rare occurrence for a people under the Virgo horoscope to hand out praise, so if you're looking for constant flattery, you may want to keep looking. While on the contrary, if you're looking for advice or an opinion on a certain matter, a person born under Virgo horoscope will gladly participate.

Virgo's are careful planners and are constantly seeking personal achievement and financial security. People under the Virgo horoscope won't put up with frivolous spending habits and won't jump into a serious relationship without looking ahead first. Most likely a person born under Virgo horoscope are seeking a partner with practical ambitions exactly like themselves.

Once the a person under the Virgo horoscope has found someone worthy to share their life with, they will always be loyal and provide plenty of happiness. This responsible, sensitive, and intellectual person takes love very seriously. Although they may appear aloof, and distant at times, they are very sensual and warm people. If you win them over, you will be more than rewarded with a prosperous and memorable life with them.

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Sad for him

I decided to put off writing about an unfortunate incident involving me and "virtual" friend which happened a few weekends ago otherwise I might start spewing off unpardonable one-liners it just might cut off his head. The air is cool now, I have doused any likely eruption so to speak and so, I can now write without being affected by the slightest irritation.

Like a few of new good friends I have, I met V. through the blog. What do you say, blogging has become a new venue to spot people whom you think would be worthy of your talk time. That day, I was hopping from one blog to another till I chanced upon V.'s entry questioning about what he thought were outdated traditions that his church and family for that matter were imposing on him. His church choir, for example, couldn't perform black spirituals fearing that the congregation might rise to their feet and storm out of the church premises.

I thought his move to question norms and traditions sort of appealed to me since I saw in him images of my probing self. Anyway, I wrote a comment and that started one or two YM conversations and us exchanging contact numbers. But it's not like we would be in touch everyday. We keep track of each other through our own blogs.

Two Saturdays ago I think, I decided to try out a newly-opened internet shop fronting the grocery inside a new mall near my place. It's one of those moments when you wonder what the weekend has in store for you. I got a pleasant surprise when V. sent me private YM message, that kind where you ask hi, hello, and how are you in succession. It lasted a few minutes since I told him I had to go soon since the shop was closing. We'll just hopefully catch each other soon online to continue the conversation or he can let me know next time he visits Makati where I live. I can pay for coffee, he takes care of the stories.

A few minutes later, I got a text message from him. I wanted right away to ran down to the nearest drugstore for 20 Valiums. I was speechless, I felt betrayed.

V. : Hello! I never thought you're gay. I was hoping we'd hang out and spot girls. Hehe.
Me : Come on, V. It's not like I'm coming on to you. I'm one of the boys.
V. : Kahit na, ganun din iyon. To be honest, I'm scared of gays. No offense though.
Me : That's sad. Your prejudices precede you.
V. : Ouch.

That was it. And I couldn't believe it. I felt angry because I was put on the defensive. I felt bad that I appeared like imploring a person to believe me. I felt even worse that I was made to look like I deceived him. I kept my cool. I refrained from sending any more text messages.

The more I think about it, the sadder I become. This time, not for me, but for the poor guy. I feel sad because he let bigotry and narrow-mindedness triumph. I feel sadder because his supposed technical intelligence is soooo limited it doesn't even allow him to expand his thinking and accept diversity and its beauty. I feel most sad because he will never be able to find out how nice, compassionate, sympathetic friend I am.

By the way, I am never attracted to straight guys.

Fun, fun, fun

To cap the week, I thought I should do something light and fun. It's a good move to balance the gloomy mood next week during Lent. Ready?

YOUR PORN STAR NAME:
(Name of first pet + Street you live in)
-- Bob Lizardo

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:
(Name of your favorite snack food + Grandfather's first name)
-- Nova Cesar

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME:
(First word you see on your left + Favorite restaurant)
-- Bodum Nostra

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS:
(Favorite Spice + Last Vacation Spot Visited)
-- Rosemary Los Banos

SOCIALITE ALIAS:
(Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied)
-- Speedy Basco

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo):
(First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name)
-- J. VAL (puwede na rin!!)

ICON ALIAS:
(Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)
-- M&M's Soy (anoo daww???)

DETECTIVE ALIAS:
(Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School)
-- Chick Basco (hmmm puwede!!)

BARFLY ALIAS:
(Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink)
-- M&M's Vodka

SOAP OPERA ALIAS:
(Middle Name + First Word you see on your Right)
-- Castillejos Starkist

ROCK STAR ALIAS:
(Favorite Candy/Dessert + Last Name Of Favorite Musician)
-- Bibingka Sondheim (siyeyettt ang sagwa!!)

About me

I took one fo those tests supposedly to determine more clearly the kind of person you are, the one that your friends normally barrage you with on email. To make things sound more really convincing, they choose sometimes to attach what it said about them complete with loud swearings to the heavens that they are absolutely true. You shrug your head and hope they really know what they're talking about.

Anyways, after I patiently went through the ten-point test, choosing the letter corresponding to my choice and afterwards affix the (number) weight equivalents adding them up to find the total, here's what it says about me. Let's just say, it's a glimpse of me.

Sensible, cautious, careful and practical. Clever, gifted, talented but modest.

Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who rally get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is broken.

What a difference a candle makes

My place is filled with candles scented and plain. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors and brands. When lighted, they never fail to create in me a mood that makes everything look so serene and divine. A busy and stressful day is best capped with lighting candles and taking deep breaths.

A few weeks back, I was in Vigan. I went inside St. Paul's Cathedral and took pictures. I realized even candles lit inside churches have this calming effect on me.

Moves and transfers

From the time I was 16, I've been living separately from my parents. The first four years were spent in college where I endured the university men's dormitory for about a year, shared an apartment with a churchmate for one semester, and spent the rest of the time till I graduated living in a two-storey one-bedroom apartment outside the school. I would get my monthly allowance through telegraphic transfers from my parents who lived in a far north province. They expected me to make do and survive with the sum they send to cover, not just my board and lodging, but all my school and non-school-related expenses. It’s good my college undergrad was economics so I was somehow trained in allocating scarce resources to meet unlimited wants.

After college, I first stayed with a spinster aunt for a while since my paycheck wasn't anywhere near the slightest possibility that it can manage to pay for my own place. My parents probably would have wanted to help out, but I have a good feeling they opted not to --- only to make sure I wouldn’t be bubbling over too much on city life coupled with trappings of independence and an emerging active social life. I’m sure they trust me, but they weren’t at all sure if I was ready. A year later, the commute from my aunt’s place to work took its toll. I persuaded everyone that it was best to be near my workplace to save me small money and lots of unproductive time. I shared apartments initially before love came and relocated me to a three-bedroom house where we (by virtue of being a couple) occupied the biggest room while two other single friends lived in the other rooms.

I moved out of that house on the hill ten months later because of, well, a terminated contract. Everything ended with W and me. It was as if world turned upside down the next few months as it saw me renting one of the rooms in a three-room house occupied by a couple and another single guy. I stayed there close to a year at least. Since my sister wanted that time to move to Manila for work, my parents suggested if we can stay together in our own place, possibly an apartment within Makati so we won’t have a hard time adjusting to a new environment. By then, I was practically a Makati resident for at least three years.

And so my sister and I moved to this old two-bedroom apple green apartment that looked more like a misplaced building in a pretentious address. During the rainy months of July and August, there’d be times when we can’t leave the house in the morning for work because the street fronting the building would be flooded. We don’t have any other choice but to call in sick. This would happen at least twice each year. Even then, we endured and lived there for at least three years primarily because it was also near the school where I was taking my graduate studies. Come to think of it, the only good thing about the place was that it made going to school after work more bearable since home was just a few minutes away after class.

When my uncle’s family migrated to the US in 2001, they floated the idea of us staying in their house since they didn’t want to rent it out to just anyone. I was the only person allowed by my uncle to stay there in their absence. I was going to be some sort of caretaker. No rent, but I’ll pay for utilities and other expenses. It was a tempting offer. I thought I’d save up a few more bucks in exchange for putting up with Manila’s notorious traffic. The house is located in Marikina, God knows how many kilometers away from Makati where I work. I loved the place. It was a welcome relief from the daily stress from work but in a few years, we thought the costs far outweighed the benefits so we packed our bags again to live again in Makati, this time in a flood-free area complete with roving guards, stand-by utility men, and Ate Bebeng, my ever-faithful househelp.

So far we're enjoying our new home. My sister's social life, and in a way mine, are slowly breathing life again. Many things have changed. We, more or less, manage to sleep longer now and enjoy more activities than before. The only thing that has remained is this: singlehood.

Downelink and parades

I spent some time going over Downelink this afternoon and got sooooo overwhelmed with the unbelievably magnificent collection of openly Pinoy gay guys currently profiled in the site. I couldn't believe it, I kept asking, where are these guys every last Saturday of June each year when the Pride March is held? That way, we will leave strong mark in the faces of bigoted men (and women, for that matter) that we're indeed a massive amount, a huge number, a large mass, a whole force to reckon with.

Since the time I first started joining the Pride March in 1998, I observed that I would see practically the same faces each year gathered in Malate for the walk. We have grown practically familiar with each other and often joke questioningly if we're the only out and proud creatures in this part of the world. As we tread the streets of Malate, we see guys one after another watching us from the sidelines, the same one's we'd bump into one of those bars we'd frequent since they're predominantly gay. It's a sad sight, I must say. I wish they can experience the tremendous relief that can only come from a proud declaration made alongside other gay brothers and sisters. I tell you, it's very affirming, very affirming.

Marriage?? Ugghh

It has crossed my mind a few times how, over the years, my parents might have been so eager to see their first-born grandchild either from my younger sister or me. I don’t blame them. They’re in their sixties, old enough to be grandparents whereas we’re half their ages at the moment, old enough to produce offsprings.

I’m sure my parents have talked about this countless times in their private conversations. They usually do this when they both stretch out on the bed ready to sleep or when they both wake up middle of the night and decide to have a one-to-one instead of racing to find sleep. I know this because I have eavesdropped a few times when I was a kid and I’d sleep in their room. I just wonder, how exactly do their conversations end when they talk about me and my sister against their yearnings to be grandparents. They know perfectly well the rightful response. They don’t have to think hard enough for it. Their conversations actually don’t have to go far. The answers to whatever questions they have are staring at them squarely. It may not be too appropriate for me to detail all the reasons, but let me say the grounds are in themselves justified and valid. Otherwise, my strong-willed mom would insist on her way.

It just makes me think sometimes, aren’t we harsh?